Single mum by choice
Experiences of: @thesinglemotherofalljourneys (do give her a follow on instagram)
How many kids do you have and how old are they at the moment?
One, she’s almost 3.
Could you tell us a little more about your parenting situation?
I’m a solo mum by choice. This means I actively made the decision to become a single mum. I had fertility treatment at a clinic using donor sperm. So it’s just the two of us at home. I have 3 chronic pain conditions and battle with mental health struggles so a lot of daily tasks others take for granted can be a struggle for me.
How did you find the early years of motherhood?
I’m still in them. I think. Or only just coming out of them. They’ve been a rollercoaster. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mummy and I’m known to friends and family as “the baby whisperer” so I think I knew it would be hard but I thought I’d find the hard easier. I’ve found the pressure to do it “right” immense and I feel I’m only just finding my loud voice and saying “no I’m doing it my way!”
Who or what helped you most in the early days?
My mum and sister were a massive help. And a couple of close friends. But tbh my biggest emotional support from treatment days, pregnancy and through motherhood so far have been friends I’ve made via twitter or solo mum groups. People going through the journey at the same time as you are invaluable.
What do you wish you had known before having a baby?
Good question. Personally, I wish I’d been warned about how angry I’d feel. That threw me a LOT. I wish known how hard it would be to eat well too. When there is no other adult to prepare and cook food and you have a baby who breastfeeds 24/7 it’s hard.
What piece of advice would you give to your pregnant self if you could go back in time?
It’s ok not to enjoy every minute. Just because you are anxious doesn’t mean you aren’t enjoying it. Seek help from the professionals, that’s what they are there for. And don’t let them induce you! But that’s a whole other story!!
Funniest story (in hindsight anyway!)
When I fell asleep on the sofa a few months ago and thought my 2yr old was putting hair clips in my hair so I brushed her hand away and she went to potter about. Only to discover it was scissors. And she’s given me a haircut! Handfuls coming out as I ran my fingers through to assess the damage! She’s not allowed near scissors until she’s 25!!
Best bit so far?
How can I choose?! Every stage has been just as amazing as it’s been challenging. When they put her in my arms and I didn’t have a gush of overwhelming love, I just looked at her and said “hello you” because I already knew her and I already loved her. Going to the preschool music classes I used to run as a mummy. I sold the business as I couldn’t cope being with mums and babies all day and not being one of them. That first class back was amazing. The look on her face and the way she runs to greet me when I collect her from the childminder. The way she says she loves me and that I’m a super hero. The way she still falls asleep curled up in my arms like it’s the safest place in the world. And the fact that Grease is one of her fave films!!
*If you’d like to submit your own early motherhood experience (and I would love for you to!), ping me a message at silke@raiseupmums.co.uk You can give your name or keep it anonymous.