Mixed bag of motherhood

Experiences of: Ela Law, Ela Law Nutrition

How many kids do you have and how old are they at the moment?

2 kids, 10 and 12 years old

Could you tell us a little more about your parenting situation?

I co-parent with my husband

How did you find the early years of motherhood?

Early years of motherhood were a mixed bag!! As I was the first of our group of friends to have babies, I had lots of babysitters on stand-by, the children came along to pretty much everything we went to and we tried to keep our lives as much as possible as they used to be.

But my son (the first of them) was such hard work when he was small: never satisfied, never contented, pretty high maintenance. Being the ’stay-at home parent’ was tough at times.

Who or what helped you most in the early days of motherhood?

Am I allowed to say wine? :-))

My friends were great: as they didn’t have babies they took turns to babysit and my husband and I went out loads. We also had his sister who often came for weekends and gave us some time off. Both our sets of parents don’t live nearby so unfortunately we didn’t have any family to help out, which made it quite hard at times, especially for the ad hoc trip to the shops or a spontaneous meal out.

I also need to mention my antenatal group: we were each others’ sounding boards, advisors, support system.

What do you wish you had known before having a baby?

That while you might celebrate motherhood and enjoy your child, you will also grieve the person you once were. The identity you built for yourself and the person you were gets transformed, even if you try to stay the same. That it may not be all you ever wanted. That it can be the most frustrating job in the world to be a parent. That adulting is boring and tedious a lot of the time, but that you kinda have to do it when you have kids.

What piece of advice would you give to your pregnant self if you could go back in time?

Set your boundaries now before you set a precedent of ‘perfection’. It doesn’t matter if the house is in a state, it doesn’t matter if you are having a ready meal every single night of the week, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t have time to clean. If you try to do too much (because you feel you have to or because you want to show you can) you will find parenting a heck of a lot harder.

Funniest story (in hindsight anyway!)

Forgetting that I had a child (who was napping) and leaving the house to go shopping. Oops

Best bit so far?

The cuddles, the ‘best mummy’, the photos that bring back memories, watching them become their own person.

Anything else you'd like to share:

Motherhood gives your life a new purpose, but that doesn’t mean that you have to love it every day. It’s a job you can’t quit, so don’t enter it lightly! And when you do, give yourself compassion for the times you wish you hadn’t.

Seek a tribe: having people to share the ups and the downs with is so important, one of the most helpful things in the first year or two was having a group of mums going through exactly the same.

*If you’d like to submit your own early motherhood experience (and I would love for you to!), ping me a message at silke@raiseupmums.co.uk You can give your name or keep it anonymous.