Ignore peoples’ stupid comments! No one should judge you or compare their experience with your own. Why do women pitch themselves against each other? (A midwife who was irritated when I asked for more pain relief after the birth of my first daughter said “well I had a 9lb 12 oz baby and I PUSHED her out!” I wish I had replied with “good for you!” but I let her words sink in, making me feel like a failure. I should’ve had a ‘natural’ birth, I shouldn’t have needed the ventouse, it is my own failure that had left me in so much pain. I DESERVED the pain. I wish I’d seen her stupid comment for what it was - a woman wanting to make herself feel superior- and that was her issue, not mine. Should’ve let it wash over me.

I wish I had known beforehand how patriarchal the healthcare institutions are and how badly anchored in our society misogyny surrounding motherhood is. It is only when I realised this that I made my own research for the care I wanted for me and my baby and found peace in not being the image of the perfect mum I thought I was supposed to be.

That 'rush of love' moment doesn't happen for everyone in the same way, and just because it doesn't happen does not mean you don't love your baby.  I agonised for months over not experiencing that. I felt wonder, and amazement but it didn't feel like love. I now realise it was more gradual for me - from the start of pregnancy, and still going.  Every week I learn new things about my child which makes me love him in a different way.

I wish I have known that I am enough for my daughter and I  should have removed the pressure at the start. I wish I knew that motherly maternal bond, and unconditional love doesn't come naturally to everyone, my babys a stranger and we need to learn to know and love each other and I'm no less of a mother for not having this connection.

Motherhood has changed me physically, emotionally, socially and psychologically. I had no idea it would be so profound.

All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mummy and I’m known to friends and family as “the baby whisperer” so I think I knew it would be hard but I thought I’d find the hard easier. I’ve found the pressure to do it “right” immense and I feel I’m only just finding my loud voice and saying “no I’m doing it my way!”

Motherhood gives your life a new purpose, but that doesn’t mean that you have to love it every day. It’s a job you can’t quit, so don’t enter it lightly! And when you do, give yourself compassion for the times you wish you hadn’t.

As a parent of multiples, I felt a lot less pressure. If I managed to get up and dressed, that was already a win.

It's true when they say 'it takes a village to raise a child'. I used every resource I could.