Twin mum
Experience by: Katie Palmer, Infant Sleep Consultants
How many kids do you have and how old are they at the moment?
I have three children, all boys.
Could you tell us a little more about your parenting situation?
I am the primary care although my other half is very hands on. I work for myself so I am able to fit my work around the kids although since the younger two have started school, its made life much easier.
How did you find the early years of motherhood?
With my eldest I found the transition to motherhood really overwhelming. As my professional career is with children, I really thought I would ace it, and on a practical level I did. We got into a good routine, I didn't worry about changing nappies, weaning, getting out and about. I almost went into work mode and got on with it. However, the emotional side of becoming a parent, the guilt the anxiety was at times overwhelming. I thought people would judge me because of my job, that I wouldn't be a good enough parent, that he would get ill or I would and it would be something uncurable. The list was endless. On the surface I looked calm and in control. Underneath I felt a mess.
My second pregnancy was very different. I found out I was expecting twins and spent the whole pregnancy in a state of denial and depression. I found it difficult to be enthusiastic, the risks of carrying identical twins passed me by. However, once they were born, everything changed. I felt calm and relaxed. I think I enjoyed them more than I did my first. As a parent of multiples, i felt a lot less pressure. If i managed to get up and dressed, that was already a win.
Who or what helped you most in the early days of motherhood?
I was very lucky that I had some amazing friends who helped me. I was also one of the last to have children so they understood and had been through it. I didn't always listen but I could have a random rant at them and feel completely at ease. With the twins I had my wonderful friends that I had made with my son to add in. They helped with school runs, carrying a baby when my arms were full and offering to babysit.
What do you wish you had known before having a baby?
I wish I had known about the emotional impact and how your mental health can be so very delicate at times. I felt really judged although I don't think anyone was judging me. It was all in my head. With the twins, I had to accept help and it made such a difference. First time around I thought it was a sign of weakness or that people with my background shouldn't need it. With the twins I had my village and felt all the richer for it. Don't be afraid to ask for help, having a cup of tea and a chat can make the world of difference.
*If you’d like to submit your own early motherhood experience (and I would love for you to!), ping me a message at silke@raiseupmums.co.uk You can give your name or keep it anonymous.